Working life of a mom in sweden

Just 1 and a half month before I started working in Sweden. It is a 9 to 5 job based in customer service. My baby is one and a half year now and does not go to school.She will be starting school / daycare in 1 month.
When I went for the interview , I did not know that I am going to get the job so I had not created a plan for the famous question “who will take care of the baby” . So first 15 days my husband took his parental leave and I worked full time. And then next month my husband worked 50 percent ,so when my husband took care of my baby in the morning, I took care of her in the afternoon when he

went to office plus I worked too in the afternoon after putting my daughter to sleep. When she woke up, I would have finished working.then I would cook for the dinner as well as for the next days lunch.
This schedule was a little busy but still we could manage this well alongwith spending time with my daughter so that she was not left alone with strangers. I doubt this would have been possible in India.
In Sweden parents share total of 480 days of leave between each other which both can share. Except for the 3 months leave which is mandatory for a father to take in order to spend time with his child. This is such a nice policy since a father gets quality time without worrying about money to spend time with the kid because salary is been paid for this period as well. You can take this parental leave till child turns 7 years old so there is no hurry.
Also my commute is 1 hour but it is quite manageable because there is very less or no traffic so I used to have energy to go home and cook in the evening. In the beginning couple of days was so tough for me to leave my baby for full 8 hours but at the back of my mind I knew she is well taken care of by my husband.
Each day I was so grateful to god that I got this opportunity to work as well as spend time with my daughter which is so rare to see in India.

In India either we have to depend heavily on maids and daycare or else quit the job or depend on in laws . So the laws here support parents a lot and the policies are quite standard in all companies here. Work culture is so different here than India. Everyone is so polite and nice .Everyone follows their own job profile and nobody tries to dominate each other. There is equality in opinions and wishes. There is basic line of trust among all so there are never unnecessary questions asked .I really loved the work culture here and I doubt now whether I will be able to work in India after working here.

Also due to my sales and marketing profile, I never had weekends off in India. But here i have weekends off which allows me to spend quality time with my daughter and do activities which makes her happy. And not only for me but everyone has weekends off here . Overall you get to spend quality time with family here which is a real luxury.

Also here we have something called as VAB which allows any of one parent to stay at home if your child is sick and still get paid. Also if you yourself are sick then leaving first day, remaining days you stay home , you get paid for that by the government.
So overall working here gives you mental peace and quality family life too.
So I just wanted to give a basic idea of how work culture is and a little glimpse of it.

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3 mistakes as a Mom

As a new mom , there are so many things we do not know and we tend to incur so many mistakes and think it would be good if there was a manual we can follow and avoid all the suffering and pain.Inspite of all the information available on the web today, we still make mistakes again and again.so this blog is dedicated to all the new moms out there to avoid atleast some of the mistakes which I made and save some trouble for yourselves.I will be happy even if it helps one mom.

First mistake I made was that I travelled with my 4 month old baby from Sweden to India. My baby was born in a place where it is minus temperature and I took her to complete opposite temperature so that was a big adjustment for her .And it was peak summer in India that time. To top it I exclusively breastfed my baby for first 6 months of her life which meant not even water .so I fed my baby every half hour as It was so hot and sweaty in India that time. Also due to this I had sleepless night every night for almost entire first year of my baby’s life . With so many relatives coming to meet my baby , my days were quite busy which did not allow me to rest day time as well.
Second mistake is related to my first mistake as due to all this travelling back and forth I completely ignored my health. There was no proper timings for my food or sleep. I realised this grave mistake when my doctor in Sweden informed me that I have got auto immune disease which means my immune system is attacking my body instead of protecting it. I had the gut feeling that something Was wrong with me as I had severe joint pain and back pain. Every morning I was feeling sick and tired but still kept stretching thinking it is temporary and will go away. But after doctors diagnosis my doubts were confirmed that something is wrong and needs to be treated.
I was put on steroids and had to sleep for longer hours as the medicines used to make me feel sleepy. During that time I was so worried as my baby was 11 months old and there was nobody else to take care of my baby apart from me. So I had to take care of myself and her during this time. Thankfully I started feeling better with time. That time it hit me how badly I have behaved with myself by not eating healthy and also not eating on time. I was only worried about my child’s eating and sleeping schedule and had completely forgotten myself. I used to feed her first and also make sure that other members in family eat and then I ate .Also I am still breastfeeding so all the nutrients went to her leaving me nowhere. So my sincere request to all moms is to please take care of yourself because if you are healthy , only then you will be strong enough to take care of your children or else it will be a burden everyday. The first year of a child’s birth should be only about regaining moms health and creating a healthy life for your baby and about nobody else.
Third mistake was thinking that everything will be normal and settled and I will be able to resume or start my career once again when my baby turns one year old. To my surprise, nothing was going as I had planned in my head . Everyday was unpredictable and everyday provided us with a new challenge. I was stressed thinking that my career is over and now may be I will never be able to get back to work. I started feeling useless and unproductive as I was not earning and contributing to the household. All this took a toll on my health further and my confidence went down tremendously.
But thankfully the reveal of this disease came at the right time and opened my eyes to my mistakes.My doctor made me realise that delivering a child , taking care of child , breastfeeding a child is tough and a woman needs 2 years to recover from childbirth. That is when I started to see myself in a new light. I started forgiving and being gentle towards myself and started appreciating myself.

It is so often that we moms think wrong of ourselves. In spite of having so much strength , we weaken ourselves and belittle ourselves. It is not an easy job to keep your needs aside and take care of someone else with the same patience and love through the years. It is an on going job for which there is no education and also no salary .
Our salary is the numerous smiles and laughs our baby gives us , the numerous hugs and kisses they bestow upon us, their broken and incomplete words, the moments when they call out ‘mamma’

All these moments fill your heart with so much love and makes you forget all the pain. When I realised no job or career can give me this, I became a happy , content and a proud mom.

Just want to pass on the happiness and love to all the mums struggling or feeling low about themselves.
Remember we are raising the future scientists , presidents, actors, singers, astronauts, god knows who our little Munchkin will be !

Is your baby sleeping through the night?

Sleep.This is the most difficult and frequent question asked to a new mom.I have forgotten the meaning of this word because I have not slept peacefully after I have conceived and especially after my baby was born I have totally forgotten sleep.I doubt people will understand the profound meaning of what I’m talking.I have literally developed fear of my baby not sleeping.To begin with, my baby did not sleep for first 3 months of her life at night.That was the most tough period in my life.First of all you are physically not fit to take care of urself and then on top of that your baby does not sleep at night.I do not know whether everyone knows what happens to a person if there is no sleep at night.Your brain literally doesn’t support you. After all a night’s sleep cannot be compensated for a daytime sleep.Of course you cannot blame the baby as it’s no fault of the poor baby because babies do not know the difference between day and night so they dont know that nights are to sleep and days to play.

When my baby was 3 months and just started to sleep at night with a interval of feeding every 2 hours, I decided to travel with my baby to India. So I took her from minus 10 degree temperature to plus 41 degree temperature.So again due to time difference my baby did not sleep at night for next 15 days .Also my baby liked quiet and calm in order to sleep as it is very quiet in Sweden.So I had to tip toe around the house.But expecting others to do the same was an impossible task.Since if baby wakes up, you are the one who has to handle the fuss and cry of the baby and handle the task of getting the baby to go to sleep again.People around you do not understand the pains you have to go through required to put a baby to sleep.They are very casual and advice you how you need to put habit to your baby to sleep in noisy surroundings.But every baby is different and comes with her own personality and when you are so much sleep deprived you tend to follow your baby’s cues so that baby and you get some sleep after all.

Unfortunately there is so much free advice which you do not need at all and it is so irritating and frustrating to even listen to the unnecessary advice as only you and the baby have to work out the equation together and nobody in the world can help you with that. So what the new mom and baby actually needs the most is space to figure things out and support.

Unfortunately our typical Indian mentality will never change which expects women to be a super woman and manage household chores and the baby without any complains.People forget that women go through end number of emotional upheaval, hormonal changes and physical pains in order to deliver a baby.According to scientific studies, women need complete one year to recover post delivery.But in our culture women are supposed to start running around the household in one month itself.

I feel women are taken too much for granted in India. Rather everything about women is been taken granted in India.Breastfeeding too is taken so casually but nobody knows what women go through for breastfeeding.Its the world’s most satisfying thing for a mother  but needs lot of determination and patience on the mothers part in order to breastfeed.I am proud of myself that I was able to exclusively breastfeed my baby for 6 months of her life.Everyone harps that a baby should be breastfed first 6 months but nobody knows the support they need to give to a mom in order to do so.Mother needs to eat well and on time so that she has the energy and milk in order to feed the baby since baby is dependent for food and water only on mother.

Also there is vast difference in India and abroad for the facilities provided for breastfeeding.I struggled to feed my baby in Indian shops and restaurants as even 5 star hotels didnt have any room for breastfeeding a baby.Women feel ashamed to feed because people might look .Who will explain a small baby all these problems?

Comparitively in Sweden wherever you go there is a special place for breastfeeding and you are free to feed your baby anywhere in public as” thank god nobody is bothered to look “.Above are pictures of feeding rooms available in Sweden.

Sad to say but India still needs many years to develop not in terms of infrastructure , science and technology but in basic things like men and women equality.

Sadly I’m sure every woman faces these challenges but nobody talks about it.I just thought to voice out these facts as it goes in every woman’s mind.

I just hope and pray that our future young girls do not blindly accept submissive culture and have the courage to stand up for themselves if they are being treated inequal. 

Baby is tongue tied…

In the second month, I was just starting to get the hang of handling my baby.Things were getting normal day by day.There was still no sign of baby sleeping at night.It felt like this is never going to end and I’m stuck.Seriously u feel this at many times but when ur baby smiles or looks at u then u forget everything and trust me these tough times do not last forever.

During this time we were visiting baby’s clinic every week as first 2 months you are supposed to visit every week.We were happy that inspite of being pre mature my baby was gaining weight and looked healthy.But still there were so many questions lurking in my mind like my baby was not having proper hold while drinking milk and she used to loose her hold and I was literally bending so low so that she could feed.I was having terrible backache but u tend to forget all pains for the sake of your baby and I thought this is normal. But when we visited our nurse as scheduled we got a shocking news that my baby is tongue tied.I didnt understand fully when doctor told me about it.I was in shock.But the nurse and doctor assured us that it’s nothing to worry about and we need to do a small procedure to get it cut to avoid further problems.

After coming home I did proper research about tongue tied and got assured that it is not dangerous if we take all the care and treat it at the right time.Only if ignored it creates problems with baby’s speech etc. So we were given an appointment with Ent surgeon.I remember being so tensed and weepy just night before the procedure thinking about such a small baby going under so much trouble at such a small age.But to my delight the procedure took just 2 mins.I was asked to hold my baby still and the doctor took a small scissor and performed a small cut under baby’s tongue and it was done.Then I was asked to feed my baby in another room. I was so relieved because my baby didn’t cry at all and she started playing post her feed and was 
Just so very normal.

So I’m so relieved and grateful to doctors here that firstly they identified the problem and solved it so efficiently with utmost care. Due to this my baby could drink my milk better and she had a good hold. Also her stomach was fuller and hence she cried less.
My advice to new moms is that people say babies are supposed to cry as they are just babies but in my experience babies do not cry without a reason. So please find that reason and help your babies to smile.

Attitude is gratitude

Pain is so raw and real.It shows us our true self.You cannot escape pain and when it hits you , only you alone have to face it.Nobody can face it for u.

I have observed everyone feels their pain is the worst and other people’s pain is not.Actually everyone has their pain tolerance levels and it cannot be compared.It is that simple.But we don’t do that.

We embrace our own pain whole heartedly and wallow in our tears thinking nobody understands you and also we keep hating others because they don’t have that pain.
In life it’s the same .We all think our life is full of pain and struggles and challenges until you stumble upon someone else having greater problems than you.The  truth is there is always someone having greater pain or greater suffering or greater struggle than you.This realisation itself can set you free and make you a happier and a stronger person.

So be empathetic to others.Try and understand others. Because everyone is facing pain at their level.Though you can’t do anything about it, the least what we can do is understand, listen and support.

Half the pain can be resolved by just being there or by just listening.

The feeling of someone just being there for you is self healing itself .

We are so busy judging others that we forget to see their pain and suffering.We are busy thinking that other people’s life is better than ours.But remember grass is greener always on the other side.

Attitude is gratitude.The power of gratitude is immense.The moment you are happy with your life and with whatever you have, trust me nothing or no outer force can make you sad or insecure.It is real freedom.Try it and see for yourself.

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Travel diaries

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First month with a new born

​Hello friends, so when I came home with my baby I was given no instructions about eating or drinking. Basically in Sweden there are no rules for new moms in regards what to eat or what not to eat. Unlike India where there is a huge list of dos and donts.also for 40 days there is confinement period wherein new mom and baby are not supposed to step outside of home in India.
Where as here I was on my feet 6th day post delivery. I was given painkiller prescription for 2 weeks as I had stitches and my stitches healed completely in 6 weeks. I started walking on 10th day post delivery and I will really like to recommend walking for new moms who have got natural birth to walk as it really relieves all the soreness in your legs. But mentally I had fully mixed emotions and was in kind of trance of what is happening. You are kind of scared of and for this little baby who is completely dependent on you. You don’t know what is right or wrong. You just have to go with the flow as slowly everything starts falling in place.
 In sweden, a nurse from Bvc ( Barn vard central) comes to your house to check your baby for the first time. Later all your appointments are scheduled in the clinic .For first 2 months you have appointment every week since baby is too small and also being a first time parent you need all the help possible. There is a dedicated nurse for your child who looks after your baby’s development right from her first visit till baby is 7 years old.So every week they check baby’s weight, height and head circumference. You are given a small book to keep which you need to carry every time you visit Bvc wherein all your present and future appointments are recorded. Also all the vaccinations which are to be given are mentioned in the book so you are aware what to look for.

Also you can ask them end number of questions and the nurse answers all your queries patiently and lovingly with a smile on her face.

I had all the fears and worries of a new mom. My body was sore, I was struggling for breastfeeding, and to top it my baby decided not to sleep at night at all for the first 2 and half months.
On this topic of sleepless nights, I would like to share my personal experience. When I think back now I’m totally surprised that how did I manage being awake entire night rocking her, singing to her, feeding her, listening to her loud cries, doing household chores the next day and still not losing my sanity. This is really totally insane. I think god gives moms all the required essentials and magic powers to raise a baby once she becomes a mom. Because you absolutely do not know anything about a baby beforehand. And the surprising part is you don’t even feel angry on the baby since its so small and tiny to understand anything what you are going through. In no time this small little creature becomes your entire world. Your daily and hourly schedule revolves around your baby’s sleeping and eating schedule.

It is no doubt that a small little baby can make anyone dance on her fingers….
When I visited Bvc first time I felt so relaxed.My baby’s nurse made me feel comfortable. The place is completely child friendly. There are toys everywhere. There are colour co ordinated toys , books in every room. Even in the passage there are colourful danglers which attracts the eyes of babies and makes them happy.
In my 7th month itself, I was given a list of Bvc’s to select from  whichever is near to my house so that we don’t have to travel far with baby. Then when you reach home with baby you just have to call Bvc and inform them that you are home so then they give you a day and time to visit your little baby. Later post 2 weeks I received a letter to visit the main hospital for ears check up.S
o basically a midwife checks baby’s both ears whether the hearing function is normal. Everything is so systematic here that you are relaxed and sure that your baby is in safe hands.
So this is how I learnt and managed to handle my new baby in her first month which I agree is the most tough but slowly you get the hang of it.

Keep coming here as I narrate my each  month experiences with my baby while in a new country.

Indian princess in Sweden

Hi friends, sorry for been away this long .But I was busy in a wonderful way. I am thrilled to update that I have got my angel from heaven…a wonderful daughter who is 12 weeks old now and finally I have got the time and energy required to start writing again. So I’m a mom now and to tell you guys I just love motherhood. It has opened a complete new side of me which even I didn’t knew about. I feel a new person altogether. The biggest positive change I have got is patience. I’m sure all mums will agree to this. And suddenly I’m not only mother to my baby but I feel mother to everyone around me which is ,my heart is surely got bigger and I have so much love inside me to give. I have definitely got more sensitive towards others and I have started feeling proud of other people’s children’s achievements too. It is really amazing how motherhood changes you and nothing believe me nothing and no amount of research can prepare you for being a mother.

So  I just wanted to tell you guys my wonderful experience of having a child in a foreign country. To begin with I had a the most amazing pregnancy and birth in Sweden . It was a dream come true when I realised I’m going to be a mother which I had been waiting for. Initially I was scared how I’m going to manage pregnancy  in a foreign country without family support. But it became relatively easy once I met my midwife here.Yes here midwives do all necessary check ups and support you till your last day before delivery. First day I met my midwife, she told me “ live your normal life and keep doing what you are used to doing” and I relaxed completely. These people believe pregnancy and childbirth is the most natural thing in the world since ages and there is no need to make all the fuss and cry about it by taking bed rest or by being less aactive. Theybelieve God has designed women’s bodies to endure childbirth and our body knows what to do. As days went by I started enjoying my pregnancy. I enjoyed all the festivals and activities with my friends and my husband was there to support me throughout all this.I never missed any event due to my condition.I cooked and did all household chores till the end without any worry.

I just loved swedish medical system here and the way they took care of me.My baby decided to come one month early and I had the privilege ….yes I will call it privilege to stay in hospital for 6 days .The nurses and midwives took utmost care of me and my baby.I had perfectly natural birth here.

Here midvives are there on a 8 hour shift basis who motivate and encourage you to manage the pain and give natural birth.They promote natural birth in sweden in comparison to the c section wave in India and after experiencing natural child birth  I am completely for it. The experience of natural child birth is amazing and beautiful.It makes you believe the power within you which God has bestowed on women and it is a miracle that inspite of being in excruciating pain and without sleep and food for more than 72 hours, still you are alive and pushing to bring a human being in this world. There is a huge adrenaline rush post natural delivery which gives you the strength to have sleepless nights to take care of your baby.Also the recovery after natural child birth has been relatively easy and fast.I was in labor for 3 days but with everyone’s support I could do it successfully.I had heard so many negative stories about birth in sweden earlier  but luckily Everything was good in my case and I am really thankful to God for this.

After getting stitches the midwife made me stand right up and made sure I was fine.The process is completely different here in comparison to india.Midvives encouraged me to take a walk the next day to relieve all the soreness and Swelling I had.There is a red button in your room and everywhere else so that if you need anything at anytime of the day or night you just press it and a nurse will come and help you with whatever problem you might be facing.Even if you press the button numerous times every nurse who walks in will be smiling with such a relaxed face that half your problem is solved just by watching their face.

These nurses helped me with breastfeeding, with my health, with my baby’s health.They came in every morn to check baby’s weight and took a blood test to make sure that baby was fine. Baby was given bath the second day. And the way they handle your baby with so much passion and love is really commendable. They are always polite and talk with such soothing voice that you feel completely relaxed inspite of being in hospital.

Third day a doctor checks your baby’s all body parts and whether all functions of the body are working.There were constant tests undertaken in the 6 days to make sure my baby is doing well as she was premature. Since I am a first time mom everything was new to me and I feel glad that I had to stay in the hospital because I learnt my first important lessons of how to handle a baby right there.

Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood is being taken so much for granted in India.But here it’s a celebration of love and a mother is respected. Every small thing about birthing is been made so beautiful here that you feel like having another baby without any fear or hesitation.

In India we have our parents plus several other relatives to take care of the mother and baby. But here only the husband and wife take care of baby. So mother feeds the baby and father takes care of baby post delivery. Fathers are very much hands on with babies here as there is no external help for them.I really admire and have found new respect towards swedish parents for having so much patience to manage a new born with sleepless nights plus carry on with household chores and go to work as well.

I have tons and tons of differences which I have found between India and Sweden and I want to share with you all but right now I think this is enough. All in all I had a wonderful birth experience and I feel proud to be a mom.

Stay tuned for more experiences.

Help me,help me not

We always feel that it’s our right to ask help to others and others  are supposed to help us.I have seen people around me hate other people who were successful in life but didn’t help them.They feel these people are so mean and bad that inspite of having everything why are  they not helping them?

We all have childhood and teenage beliefs which are so firm in our minds that it takes a lot of time to change it.It takes us lot of years to change those beliefs and one of them being, until and unless you help yourself and achieve something on your own ur never going to appreciate it, no matter how much you try ,you tend to not appreciate if it comes in a platter for you or if you didn’t have to earn that particular thing.

In sweden education and health care is free for kids.That means right from childbirth there is no expense to incur for kids untill they turn 18 years of age.So in fact parents need not do anything for their kids financially.

One day I was just walking on road and a small 2 year old boy fell down.My instinct was to help that kid to get on his feet,but the mother signaled me not to and she let the kid get up on his own.It was so surprising for me to see that, because In india I have seen so much fuss and cry when a small kid falls down.I am really amazed to see so many grandparents walking around here, some with sticks and some without. Inspite of being so old they carry their own luggage, their own grocery bags, their own stuff and they do not ask for any kind of help. Rather, funny thing is I am actually scared to help anyone here fearing they might get offended. So I think teaching others to help themselves is the way forward.So you tend to appreciate help when you get it and value it much more.

In india a couple gets married and starts earning or rather starts creating their own empire for whom? For kids ofcourse.We Indians want our kids to enjoy every luxury and comfort available in the world.For us, our kids are our entire universe and we try to build properties and wealth for our kids.We spend 10..20..30 years of our life in providing and building a safe world for our kids.Then the kids grow up.They pursue their careers and fly away for better opportunities. Then old parents blame their kids and get bitter that their kids are worthless and they didn’t take care of them and left them to fend for themselves alone.

And the cycle continues.It has been there past so many decades and generations.We keep expecting and keep getting disappointed and keep getting bitter and keep spreading that negative thoughts around and spoiling the environment. Why?

I think we need to change and stop the cycle. Here parents are not providing for their kids financially so kids are independent and so are the parents. Kids after growing up earn on their own and build their empires on their own. So parents need not sacrifice their hobbies and interests. Kids and parents are free to live their own lives.There is no need to save here, truth is you need to pay fine if you save money in bank here.

So the policy here is spend as you earn which was so damn shocking for me as we are used to “The habbit of saving”.Rather most of the times in our minds the only discussion goes on is “how much I have saved now and how much I need to save more”

So I think it’s quite a refreshing change after coming here.So people ,live life to the fullest and do all the things which you always wanted to do like for example write a blog or go fishing.